Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Beasts of the Open Prairie

Mr Longstrothen-Bruen was particularly font of his friend, Eric 'the warbler' Sinclair, but when Tommy got involved, that's when every single rule changed!

Cornelius had the most endearing habit of completely forgetting he was a civilised chap, and would insist on not noticing his lack of clothes until the most inopportune moment (seen here chatting with the Right Secretary of the Exterior).


At the end of the huffing and puffing...

"Listen up SPORT! You can huff and puff and blow all you like, but right now I'm the one with the chopper and you're the one with a bad suit and cheap petrol-kiosk sunglasses! Tough? You look like my mama's boyfriend! GEDDOUDAHEAH!" - the real ending of the 7 Little Pigs (most of you will be familiar with the abridged version) was somewhat closer to real life pig/wolf encounters.

The Wild Buncher (cos there's only one)

Monkey Wrench. Leader of the Degenerate Primate Cru, scourge of the savannah...


Krimson Smythe, ace detective and part-time test pilot.

Smythe is listed in the The Book no less than 7 times for various acts of bravery, cunning, intrigue and apocalyptic stupidity. 'Hazzah Sir, Glub Glub!'

Sartorial Elegante!

This chap was ejected from the Royal Society because he spent more time worrying about clothes and less time worrying about genuine scientific pursuits (sadly the Royal Society didn't see his genius for what it was - EVIL genius - and barely lived to rue the day (RUE it I say!)

Oh, and he's a ring-tailed possum - similar to a squirrel, but more marsupial-ly

Who is this? ...or rather, who WAS this? Captain Elijaphram Peabody-Cooke, the first 'man' to circumnavigate the Thames, and the last man to ever set foot on fabled Krakatoa (the less said about that the better, if you know what I mean).

During his much fabled, or rather, self-fabled, career he married no less than a dozen princesses, was knighted under dozen monarchies and set fire to his fair share of vagrant soothsayer, fortune-tellers and mystics (he had this 'thing' going on).

During the oft-disputed 'AFFAIR OF THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY', he distinguished himself somewhat dishonorably by slinking away from his burning ship on a raft made of rum-barrels lashed together with rigging-rope. Unfortunately the rum barrels were still full at the time, so the slinking very quickly turned into a lot of 'thrashing, coughing and something akin to the dog-paddle, but as re-imagined by an amputee bird dressed in tattered frock-coat and cuff-links.

Just before his very, very timely death at the hands of naturalized Barbary apes, Capt Peabody-Cooke was singing lead vocals in a Mozart cover-band that had only just been signed-on as the house-band in an opium den on the outskirts of Malacca.

After his death, many people reported sitings in such disparate places as Malacca, Penang and even Batu Pahat. In all likelihood these were simply sitings of the OTHER Capt Peabody-Cooke, who also happened to be an amputee Cockatoo with a liking for tattered frock-coats.

Gods and Robots! (REDUX)

I done re-drawed this, cos it deserved the EPIC medium of blue pencil! ZARK! CRASH! WARGH! Hear the god of robots fight the terrible serpent lord!



There is a small but vocal movement (mostly in my imagination) that wants to see the dainty Zebra renamed to the more appropriate 'Tiger-Horse'. The chaps can be a sensitive lot, what with all that laugh-whinneying and stuff, so it's only fair they receive a name denoting their bold, and somewhat predatory existence on the savannahs of Afrique, and the stages of Hollywood amateur theatre!

Monks and Pirates and Frontier Life!

Ladies on the frontier must always be prepared for the worst possible contingencies, specifically those involving bandits, brigands and brush salesmen! Edna Euphamiassen practices regularly with her single-shot 'Budhapster's Reporter'. She can reportedly take a man's dignity at 400yards (what's a yard?)

On the other side of the equation are those wild horsemen (and Antelope-men) of the eastern plains! Tattoo-ed and hungry, they will stampede the tiny settlements if only to watch television, before riding into the dusty sunset while small boys say, 'that wasn't so bad, was it now?'. (Cue interesting mongolian remix of Ennio Morricone's spaghetti western scores.

Filthy pirates and their nautical habits! Red-eyed Stanley here is a master of ropes and strings and stuff.

MORE PIRATEY TYPES! (this fellow spent FAR too long looking at the cover of Prince Charming! 'Try and use a mirror, not a bullet or a kniiiiiiife!')

Pangolin's are ALWAYS getting caught up in one sort of crazy or another. This chap isn't just a religious type, he's ALSO carrying a burning sphere (he claims it's magical and stuff, but really it's just on fire!)